we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
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I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
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I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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