i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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