but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize