at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
