Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
