Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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