i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize