Christians are straight up FREAKS
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
