Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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