john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
