It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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