I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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