if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
