I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
