He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
