I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
