On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
