She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
