i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
