that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
