do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
