There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
