Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
