Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
