Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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