so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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