I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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