I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
