have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
