Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
