I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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