shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
