so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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