Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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