He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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