i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
