brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
