oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
