I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Still dying that you shit outside
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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