apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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