with your own penis?
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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