i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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