I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
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woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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