I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
