FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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