i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
