Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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