There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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