Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
