Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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