i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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