Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
