She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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