yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
