so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
How does one acquire holy water?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
