Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
i think my cat just said my name.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Randomize
