u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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