I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
