it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
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I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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