Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
