if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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