It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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