i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
