I just threw up on my dentist
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
