i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
