I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize