I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
