I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
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I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
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I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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