my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I met the friendliest cop last night
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
