Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
