the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
