Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
