I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
