idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
