I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
