before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
