I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
