Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
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I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
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I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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