1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
