I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
