I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
