What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
