I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
