If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
